#feelgoodblogging Challenge: Love can help us heal when we hit rock bottom

I have been meaning to start something new and it came to me, in an e-mail from Alex Beadon. For the next 7 days I am participating in a blogger challenge to help push us beyond our comfort zone. If you would like to join in all the information can be found here at Alex’s page for the challenge.



It happened
In a few months it will be a year. Of what you may be saying to yourself right now. Let me get it out, December 2nd I lost my job due to cut backs. I still remember being asked to come sit with the two owners of the business at 4:30pm, and it all came out. It was my last day and I would be done at 5pm. I did not talk to anyone after I left with exception of a kind gentleman outside a bar, I asked for a smoke after 3 months of quitting. It was only a temporary fix.
    I went to the Reference Library as I was meeting friends in an hour. My emotions at the time slowly bubbled up quickly as I reached the door and I headed for the closest bathroom. I can not remember how long I was in there for. While  I understood the position they were in financially, I felt like I was to blame. I continued to put the fault on myself, till I felt like I had been in there too long. I looked in the mirror and took a deep breath. “Things will work out”. I said to myself and gave a weak smile.

A secret
    Once I was out I tried to distract myself till my friends came. When they did I avoided mentioning the heaviness that was clinging to my very being. On the way home I found it hard to look at the other passengers on the Subway. For some reason I felt like they some how knew what had happened. It felt like such a blessing to get away from them and walk home from the station. I made dinner and curled up on my bed. Shuuhei (my cat) tried to cheer me up but I did not want to do anything,
    Never had I been let go with no prior notice. While in School the shop I was working for was sold, but my job was at least safe. This time I had nothing.
   
Vulnerable inside
 A few days went by and I had to negotiate with the owners regarding regulations for having employees. It felt like salt on a wound. Things slowly cleared up and I was finally free to decide what to do next. What held me back was that it was December. Not exactly the best time to be looking for a job. Instead for a few days I stayed inside. I did not want to see anyone. It was a few days before I told my room mate and a week or more before I told my family.
  Telling them made me feel like a failure. Again I slipped into a state where nothing felt fulfilling.

Gifts are not always things
  My roommate had talked to one of her clients, there was a sampling position that I could have.The news made everything so much brighter. That day I went out and actually got a few things done such as groceries and getting some much needed fresh air.
   The next weekend I started to work and loved it. I met so many people and was treated with kindness. I felt much healthier for once since “IT” happened.  Then I got a phone call from my dad, he offered to help me move out. Back then it hurt, I had to leave my safe place. I agreed.
  Slowly right past Christmas and into early January, I packed up my life. It was hard, when dad took me home I remember crying the first few nights. The next morning or afternoon I had to get dressed and go with my dad back to Toronto.
 
Warmth of love
It took sometime to get used to living at home again. I often sat on the couch with my mom to watch TV and hear how her day at work was. I built up a routine. It was broken when I went to Halifax but right after I was so glad to be back. I spent time with my brother watching Marvel movies, playing games and we even went to the mall a few times.
  It took sometime for me to notice but I felt better than I ever did while in Toronto. I was surounded by my family. They knew it was hard on me to loose my job but they helped me realize what I needed most. Love, I needed the love of my family. They helped me heal before I even knew I needed it. I would not be where I am without them. I love everyone one of them.